Swinging Etiquette

This page is split into 2 sections.

Contact Etiquette - How you should advertise and respond to adverts

Party and Club Etiquette - How to behave at swingers clubs and parties


Contact Etiquette

A few basic guidelines for creating and responding to swingers ads. Don't forget to read the guidelines set out on the site you join for their tips as well.

Advertisers:

Please respond to all e-mails you receive from respondents.

Most of them will have spent time plucking up courage to write to you, and time thinking of the right thing to say to get you to notice them.

It does not need to be a long letter, a short note saying something along the lines of "Thank you for your response, but you do not match what I am currently looking for, better luck next time" will at least let the respondent know they have failed. I know that I for one check my mail eagerly after I send every response, hoping that someone has written back to me.

Respondents:

Always be polite.

Tell the advertiser what you like about their profile.

Tell them how you think you will meet their requirements.

If you enclose a picture show your face - most people like to see the person, rather than a shot of genitalia. If they like the look of you, they will then ask for another picture, a nude one if they want it. (some people do want nude pictures from the start, but they will usually say so in their ad).

Keep the language clean, match your response to the requirements stated in the profile. Don't go straight in with a hardcore letter.

If you are turned down by an advertiser, don't keep contacting them - you are not going to make any friends by being a nuisance or abusive. Just move on to the next advertiser.


Etiquette for parties and clubs.

We all want to have fun with the people we meet, the best way to achieve this is by using good manners, and treating everyone you contact or meet with the same respect you want them to show you. I am not going to write a full etiquette book here, but offer some simple guidelines that over my 30 years of swinging I have found work as well now as they did when I entered the scene in the 1970´s.

Courtesy Works

Everyone in the swinging scene has their own unique set of reasons for being there, and their own personal baggage in the shape of insecurities. Be polite when meeting them, be friendly and open when talking to them, and if you get to play with someone, thank them afterwards.

Being polite does not mean you have to play with everyone, but if you want to turn someone down, do so gently - remember there will be times you will be turned down, so think how you would like to be treated.

Make no enemies

Whether or not you are personally interested in swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other interests or you may meet that person again, and they may introduce you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time.

Be responsive

Party hosts spend a lot of time making arrangements for parties. They have to choose who to invite, send the invitations, prepare the venue, the entertainment and the food and drinks.

If a host chooses to invite you, common decency would suggest that you should respond, even a negative response is better than no response. Leaving it to the day of the party to say yes or no makes it almost impossible for the host to decide on catering requirements.

Be generous (when good manners dictate it)

Attending a club, or a paid party does not require any gifts or money from you beyond the door fee. But if you are attending a private party, then good manners suggest that you should take something with you.

Don't take along a cheap bottle of wine or a few beers, then proceed to drink the spirits brought by the other guests. Take along a bottle of the drink that you and your partner will be drinking. If you want to score an extra few points with the hosts, take along a little keep-sake for the hostess.

Be Prepared

Don't expect the hosts to provide everything, remember that there could be 50 other people at the party, and few house party hosts will have enough toiletries or towels to cope with that many people.

Take whatever you personally are going to need with you. Carry a small toiletry bag for spare underwear, hairbrush, comb, toothbrush, cologne, intimate cleansing articles, condoms, etc.. If you plan to stay over, sleeping bags or blankets and pillows are necessities.

Personal hygiene

Nothing turns a person off faster and more effectively than an unclean body or stale breath. Even if you shower and perfume yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen up again when you arrive at your destination. Travelling more than a few miles will undo a lot of your personal grooming.

Have respect for the feelings of others.

Be aware, just like you, not everyone is comfortable in all situations, Keep your eyes open for signs that your partner, as well as others, is relaxed and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try helping them over the rough spots. Remember, you were a beginner once yourself. If it is obvious that things are not working out, remain polite and courteous; but alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people feel the same about things.

Avoid being pushy

If you are interested in swinging with someone, let them know in an friendly way; if they are interested, they will respond positively. If they are not and say "No, thank you," do not ask WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part will change their mind and will probably work against you. Everyone has the right to say "NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Never forget that.

Keep it Fun

Do not allow yourself to become sexually involved with anybody that you are not interested in. There is no reason to involve yourself in a scene that you are not comfortable with. You are at the party, and in the swinging lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and with whom you want.

How to say "NO"

One of the basic tenets in swinging is the right of anyone to say "No" at any time.

In the swinging world everyone accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say "No" to anyone at anytime.

Saying "NO" should be done with a simple "No thank you". Never try to give an explanation, because that is what usually causes the problems and the pain.

Drugs and alcohol

Most people in the swinging lifestyle do not use drugs, though many of us drink socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to help you "relax". Over indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as offend or turn other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to participate in swinging, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle.

No drugs, with the exception of the new sex pills such as viagra and cialis, have any positive effect on your sexual performance. A drugged up person will be quickly ejected by any self respecting party host.

Safe Sex

It is up to us all to protect ourselves as well as our partners.

Although research carried out in America suggests that the levels of all STD´s within the swinging scene (where condom use is very low) are much lower than in the general population, it is wise to rubber up before going into action.

With the present concern over sexually transmitted diseases such as Chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, aids, yeast infection, etc.., the use of condoms should not offend anybody. Anyone not willing to take this precaution is acting selfishly and irresponsibly. You are not being accused of being unclean, but simply someone wishes to provide you both with protection.

After the party

Good old fashioned manners suggest that after you have attended a party you should either write or call and thank the hosts.

This will bring you benefits. You will be remembered as someone who shows appreciation, and are more likely to be added straight to the guest list for the next party. As always, it comes down to treating others how you would like to be treated.

Being the host

When you have people coming to your home, try to anticipate their needs: put clean sheets on the beds; keep plenty of clean washcloths and towels available. Show your guests through the house so that they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen, and other rooms are located.

Try to identify the nervous new comers, and introduce them to a stable couple who are going to be gentle and friendly with them.

Never pressurize your guests into playing with you. As your guests they may feel obliged to consent, even if they do not want to. make people aware that you are interested in playing, but that to avoid any embarrassment or discomfort you are playing by invitation only. As long serving, regular party hosts we have a rule that we never ask anyone to play with us, we would not want to put anyone into a position where they feel obliged to play.

Give the guests plenty of time to respond to your invitation, and to plan their attendance. Many couples will have children and pets they have to make arrangements for.

Make sure the details of the event at clear and easy to understand. either provide good driving instructions from a known landmark, or make a map showing the exact location.

Let people know if they need to bring anything with them.

Share your time with as many guests as you can. If someone is standing alone in the corner go and have a quiet chat.

Thank you for holding a party. I have always appreciated the people who have gone out of their way to provide a location and a new selection of people to make friends with.

Finally the most important thing - Enjoy Yourselves.

This page is not 100% original content created by us. It has been created to reflect our own experiences, ideas have come from articles we have read, feedback from readers of this site and from suggestions by our party guests.